So, lets start with the easy stuff. My name is Maria, I'm 27, am married to my best friend,and after that it gets a little complicated. I decided to start this blog to get some of my thoughts out there. I'm depressed. It took me a while to come to terms with that, and to be honest I'm not totally there yet. It was suggested that I start writing a journal but for some reason the idea of working through some of my issues in a way that no one would see didn't sound appealing. I know that opening myself up will allow the good and the bad to reach me, but I think I need that. I grew up with a family that didn't ever say what we were really thinking or feeling. It wasn't right to let everyone know when we had problems or disagreements. I was taught not to talk back, my parents word was final, and that most of the time it was best to keep my opinions to myself. I'm trying not to make excuses or blame my stuff on other people. So enough on that front for now I'm sure I will be heading back there quite a lot through my journey.
I have a younger brother who is 25 and a younger sister who is 10. Yes you read that correctly she is 17 years younger than me and its been interesting to say the least. I went to private school from k through 12th grade and even went to a private college and have a full semester of incomplete credits to show for it. I'm Italian and have a huge extended family that we used to do everything with. my parents will have been married for 30 years come October. Most people from the outside looking in would think that I have a wonderful family and a great life. I'm not saying I don't, its just complicated ........... everything is complicated.
I have always worked really hard at being a good daughter, sister, student, girlfriend, wife, friend, person and am starting to realize that somewhere along the way i have left little pieces of ME out to fit those molds. I suppose that I thought I would have more "stuff" figured out by the time I was in my late 20s so it has been hard breaking the habit of thinking that just because the stuff i imagined at 16 I would have accomplished or become by now haven't happened, its ok.
It took me a while to figure out the title I wanted to use, at first I wanted something clever but thought everything I came up with sounded like I was trying to hard. So i figured going with what I was going to be talking about was the best. So lets start with......
Life: I'm still figuring it out like lots of other people, I'm still looking to live my life the best I can, I'm still figuring out what that entails. I'm realizing its ok not to be perfect. I have good days and bad days.
Love: I'm totally in it :) I'm also coming to understand all the different types.
The In Betweens: This one will take a little more explaining. But essentially it is exactly what it sounds like. I have lots of things to work out to make my relationships better, to understand myself more, to be able to give myself more fully. I imagine I am going to be spending the most time on this one. There are going to be good ones and bad ones and past, present and future ones. Also, random things that I just feel like sharing.
I'm still figuring out everything that I want to put out there in the ether to be read, and understood, and judged. I tend to be a very private person so this is going to be an ongoing thing I'm working on. I'm not going to promise regular posts or anything of that nature because I don't want this to be something that is forced. I'm not doing this for anyone other than myself, if someone reads something that I write and it touches them in some way or another thats great but not the goal. I know that I have read the words of others and have gained insight, courage, I've shed tears and jumped up and down in joy with happiness for them. I'm hoping by sharing I can understand myself better. It all remains to be seen, but im gonna give it a go. That's all for now I think, I'm debating what to post next probably the reason why I decided to try and lift the fog of the last year now. We'll see, thanks for reading!
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