Emotions

I had a fun post all about sex planned out for today but, I read someones post about emotions. Feeling them and the drive behind the feelings. Figuring out what certain things and people make you feel. It inspired me to post about emotions as well. When I finished reading his post, after collecting my emotions, I started thinking about when we first learn what feelings are. When we are 3 or 4. In kindergarten. Those formative years, when we are leaning about ourselves and the world around us. Or is it more something that you continue to learn through out your life. Do you really know what an emotion is simply by learning the definition of the word used to describe it?
Anger. Happiness. Sadness. Love. Hate. Frustration. Grief. Remorse. The list goes on and on and on.
When you think of a certain person in your life, in my case I will use hubs, what do you feel? Love, Happiness, Wonderful, Comfortable, Lonely, Frustrated, Inadequate, Annoyed and a bunch of other things all the time and some sometimes. Confused is another that works :)
 Is it easy to be honest with yourself about all your feelings?  Of course not! The rosey, sunshiney, happy-happy feelings are easy to see and even easier to share. Its the others that are more difficult. Not only to admit to yourself but to admit to anyone else either.
Should it be easy? I'm still working on this one. The "Happy" feelings sure they're easy. Nothing about feeling seriously lonely when hubs and I am in the same room sometimes should be easy. The reason behind it, admitting it, trying to change it. None of that should be easy, But I don't think your feelings for someone else should be all that easy anyways. No one is perfect and thinking that the only emotions you feel for someone will be the easy ones puts both of you as a disadvantage. I know he isn't perfect and neither am I. So why would my feelings be "perfect" This isn't Stepford. No one can tell me what to feel. And in the end glossing over all the bad stuff just makes it that much worse when you finally let it out.
Will you always feel the same way? Hell No!! I was 17 when I first met hubs, 10 years later I sure hope I am a deeper more emotionally involved person then I was then. Life experience alone has shaped me into a more well rounded and whole person. I'm not a fundamentally different person then I was back then but I'm certainly not the same. SO If I'm not the same why should my feelings be the same.
Is it ok that your feelings have changed? I think it is necessary. When we first met I didn't love him, sure I liked him and liked spending time with him. But my feelings along with our relationship changed over time.
 I think in my case coming to terms with my changing feelings towards my parents is a bigger adjustment to me. And not just the expected feelings of becoming an adult and starting your own life. Sure that is part of it but in trying to find myself or figure myself out (whatever that means) I'm learning stuff about my feelings towards my parents. I think if I listed them all it would take 3/4 of a page and I don't think I am completely there yet anyways.
I'm working on them, like everything else and realizing its ok to be conflicted. That doesn't come easy to me. Figuring out that I am not the person I always thought I was and was ok being is HARD! Figuring out that stuff is jumbled inside my head is HARD! Trying to figure out where everything I am feeling is supposed to fit is HARD! Realizing that there is no set point when we are supposed to have it all figured out is HARD! If life and love and feelings were never HARD wouldn't we all be bored senseless. Sure there are somethings that I have felt and experienced that I wouldn't want to relive but I don't think I would change them. That would change the person I am today and even though its taken me a long time and I am not completely there yet I like the person I am.
** Thanks B, for sharing you are an incredible person and even though it sometimes sucks keep at it! Your words are inspiring you are inspiring! Give him a hug for me M!