So yesterday was my Birthday. *cue applause, not* I tend not to make a big deal out of it, I had the parties and friends over when I was a kid. As I got older we had a family meal together and that was nice. When Jase and I first started dating he would come along, now though we have the family stuff early and typically spend the actual day just the 2 of us. It's nice, like yesterday, we went out to eat and then to a movie. I suppose part of the reason I don't like a big fuss is because I can't be disappointed that way. I know that sounds terrible, I should be grateful for a smile and a birthday wish, I can't help it though. I can't even explain it, it's one of those things that you know rationally makes no sense but you can't stop feeling it even if it is just for a second. All in all it was a nice dinner and Snow White and the Huntsmen is a kick ASS movie.
Onto comment cherries, because it's much easier to talk about than my issues :) I started this because while I would probably be putting the same thing down in a traditional journal, just getting it out of my head and locking it away in a journal didn't appeal. I wanted it out there, I figured if I was going to go through the muck anyways I wanted to truly be rid of it. So online it went. I never set out to get people to read it, frankly I'm very careful with the address, it wasn't my goal to get followers. In truth I don't think most of what I say is all that interesting. But as I've gone along I can't help but notice the page views and comment counters. Evil things those. They lure you from the overview page to look and keep a tally in your head and wonder who those readers are, what they think of what you've written, why no one has commented. Why, why, why. Even though I'm not doing this for anyone other than myself and simply typing some of these things out and hitting the PUBLISH button takes a great weight from my heart and soul. It's still there in the back of my head, why, like a fly buzzing that you can't catch. I've visited my own page a total of 1 time, I rarely re-read anything I've written so why I think anyone else will want to is a mystery. But you are. Somewhere, someone maybe multiple someone's is looking. Who know's it could be 1 person who is totally enthralled with my mess of a life and keeps coming back for more. Could be people are actually getting something out of my journey. Could be people want to know what I could possibly b*tch about next. Who knows. YOU do, that's right you. Someone once said they didn't know if I wanted comments on here, at the time I couldn't have answered him one way or the other. It's probably still not a definitive "yes, please comment" but yeah go ahead. I know that when you put it out there you are entering the court of public opinion and all that, I get it. I'm not expecting sunshine and roses. If you have the urge, try not to slay me to badly, but I'm a big girl and part of that is taking the good and the bad. I'd also like to throw out there that this is my safe haven and I'm letting you in. I have opinions and wouldn't like anyone telling me not to share them I won't do that to anyone either. But outright meanness and fighting aren't going to fly. Attacking someone, anyone, for their opinion whatever it is, is a no no for me. There is enough hate and prejudice and bullying out there in the world. I certainly don't know everything and have yet to meet anyone who does. So feel free to express yourself just nicely :)
TAP TAP TAP Is this thing on? Help me out, someone please. My comment cherry is in need of being popped. Looking at the one lonely comment that I posted myself toward the beginning, to explain something I screwed up is giving me a tic. (Not really but I enjoy being dramatic from time to time) Anyway doing it myself certainly didn't count for that other cherry, it doesn't count for this one either.
